My Beloved
by Ebon Hush
Summary: An angsty piece, loosely based on the poetic lyrics of VNV Nation's 'My Beloved'. Logan's slow descent into emptiness after the death of Jean Grey. Very angsty and emotional, so beware!


**My Beloved.**

**A/N: **Okay, so I was feeling incredibly depressed and poetic. I know that the voice is completely off… I'm aware that Logan would NEVER say 'my beloved'. Please keep in mind that this ficlet is based on an incredibly beautiful song and is purely emotional!

Some of the lyrics are at the bottom. If you don't feel like reading them, then by all means don't. They are not important to the fic. (Just thought you might like to know where the epic stuff came from)

**-()-**

Every day seems a little colder. Winter has taken root, now that the warm season has had its fill. It seems so fitting that the world should wear the white of purity mourned; that the heavens should don a shroud of palest grey.

A hush lies around me as I make my lonely way to your grave. There is no one else, no one beside me. I am alone… all alone. The silence leaves me to contemplate the memories: your smile, your laugh, your kiss… your eyes as they slowly glazed, not with tears but with death.

No tears have touched my face since that night.

It is as though you took everything with you.

I leave the autumn skies to cry my tears for me. I let the cold of winter become a cracked mirror for my heart. Oh so brittle, but not breakable, no… never has invulnerability seemed like such a curse.

Once, another year waiting for you would have seemed like forever. How ironic then, that I now face an eternity without you.

How I wish I could join you. How I wish that we could go back to the way things were before… before.

My beloved, do you know how many times I've stared at clouds, thinking that I saw you there?

Everyone of them seems to bear the shape of your face, a soft cheek, an elegant cheekbone.

**-()-**

I spend my days staring at the heavy clouds, discharging their burdens onto the land, the snow swirling about me as I walk further away. The tiny crystals, the frozen tears, bite at my face, unnoticed, unheeded. I sense nothing.

They, like my emotions, are jumbled and oh so distant, I feel nothing.

I keep walking North, hoping against hope that I can go back where I came from, back to before I was immortal, back to before… before…

It seems you have taken everything with you.

I was warmed by your being for a while, only to be swallowed whole by the radiant supernova you became. Only, now I know. You left something behind – a shell, once filled with life, but now, just waiting.

Again I seem to be waiting for something… death? I hope that she will not be as cruel as you. I hope that she at least will accept me.

My beloved, do you know that when the warm winds come again, another year will start to pass?

It will pass without me. The snow will erase my footsteps. I will lose myself in it. I will be as the eternal winter that gave birth to me: cold, perpetual.

No pain remains, no feelings. Eternity awaits.

**FIN**

**A/N:** As this is my first attempt at something like this (borderline songfic), please take the time to tell me what you think. This piece has not been betaed, so the linguistic standard is probably abysmal…

I'd like to hear from you, and all reviews will off course be answered individually, just leave an email address or sign in.

**Ebon Hush**

_It's colder than before_

_The seasons took all they had come for_

_Now winter dances here_

_It seems so fitting, don't you think_

_To dress the ground in white, and grey_

_It's so quiet I can hear_

_My thoughts touching every second that I spent waiting for you_

_Circumstances afford me no second chance to tell you_

_How much I've missed you_

_My beloved do you know_

_When the warm wind comes again_

_Another year will start to pass_

_And please don't ask me why I'm here_

_Something deeper brought me than a need to remember_

_My beloved do you know_

_How many times I stared at clouds, thinking that I saw you there_

_These are feelings that do not pass so easily_

_I can't forget what we claimed was ours_

_Moments lost and time remains_

_I am so proud of what we were_

_No pain remains, no feeling_

_Eternity awaits_

Exerpts from **'My Beloved'** by VNV Nation.


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